When there is no moon in the night sky,
When there is no sun to shine upon this earth,
Who am I, as I sit to witness
The emptiness of my own bowl?
In the deep recesses of my vessel I dive,
In the bowels of my receiving,
I find laying the fears of my
Inner most despair.
Am I worthy to receive?
Am I able to receive?
Am I available to receive?
Am I barren, toxic even,
in sustaining life?
What of my actions, thoughts, emotions are a product of this perceived inadequacy?
What is intimacy if not a need to fill this empty hole?
To attract, to allure, to flirt, to conquer,
Are all these attempts to defy my alones?
Are they driven by biology, theology rather than love?
Talk, talking, chit chat, perpetually avoiding.
Shuffle, waffle, doing, running, keeping busy,
To avoid this latent sense of inadequacy.
Why is a round black hole so scary?
To live with it might be worse than death itself.
Am I today a product of my own avoidance
Rather than of genuine creation?
Eventually I reach the bottom of my
deep ecliptic free dive into my womb.
What is my true source I hear a voice rise?
MY OWN LOVE!
The love and care for my own self.
The way I hold space for my wounds, my tiredness, my limitations.
How I serve me.
Perhaps the saying “if you can’t please others, please yourself”, is actually truly enlightened after all.
Where am I with myself when all else remains in holding?
For a few ecliptic seconds, minutes, hours,
There is no one there to see you, to witness you.
No other to orbit my existence.
Who am I when there is no one to be seen by?
Duality ceases to exist.
I become the center of my own universe,
The I with a soul purpose to shine upon myself.
As I become aware of this,
I feel my bowl finally receiving.
Light pouring in and out.
Again and again and again.
The intention, the conviction, the habit,
Will draw into it that which it has always known to be true.
I awaken to the realization
That keeping the fire of my womb burning
Has been my purpose for centuries,
Knowing that the time will come.
It may have gone cold but never out.
It may have denied but never died.
A spark always, always remained.
A phoenix rising.
An ecliptic freedive into my womb.
On this New Moon
A new myth maker begins.
Now Regulus reigns in Virgo,
after four thousand years in the kingdom of Leo.
The fire in my womb is allowed to shine in full glory once again!
I am blessed.
Photo: Bill Metallinos
Chromosphere, Total Solar Eclipse, 21 August 2017
Χρωμόσφαιρα, Ολική Έκλειψη Ηλίου
Canon eos 6D, Skywacher Ed80, 600mm, f/7.5, iso100, Skywacher Star Alight.