It is not without a sense of unease that I put this in writing. First and foremost it is highly personal. Not any more personal than other things that I have shared before but this feels like it is about the very core of my existence.
Then it’s also about the fact that years of personal healing in various shapes and sizes, meditations and vision quests had not surfaced what I became aware of in a very intense and almost obvious way in water.
I am in no way questioning the method as it is in fact the mind boggling potential of water that I have yet to grasp. And I appreciate that things tend to be revealed when we are ready for them but by remembering this part of myself within my mother’s womb my whole life changed perspective.
There is of course a strong counter argument to consider: my mother has no knowledge of my being a twin embryo. Then again there were no scans or ultra sounds back then and what I do remember taking place was in the first three months of my conceived life.
Before adding any factual or intuitive information that I acquired in the search that followed my initial experience or of how huge chunks of my perceived awareness fell into place because of it, I would prefer first to reveal it raw as it was revealed to my own consciousness.
After days of being immersed in water during my first WATSU training workshop I became aware of two pairs of moccasins shall we say while sitting in the evening’s sharing circle. More specifically I “saw” that the lifelong feeling of stepping into someone else’s shoes was because in fact there were two pairs.
But whose where they? In life I could never quite find my place or ground myself because I was either wearing someone else’s shoes or trying to do enough for two. Herein I also recognized my pattern for always apologizing because of a feeling of occupying someone else’s space and a difficulty to recognise what is rightfully mine and to be able to claim that space without a crippling sense of guilt.
Initially I was simply blown away by this very realization that felt innate and resonated deeply within. As the integration of this unfolded I experienced a deep sense of sadness and loss or rather I became aware of the deep sense of sadness and loss that was already within me.
In my quest to manifest a life of joy for myself there was an un-answered heaviness that in light of the above now begins to finally find release. As I write this, memories of my experience come flooding back. I cherish each and every link of the puzzle called life and I will not dish it out in one go.
The reason I have decided to write about this and pursue a path that seeks to understand human memory and the birth journey further is because it has been the single most important piece of information in my healing journey and where I believe one must visit if one is to recall their fullest human potential.
I believe that water is the element that helps us recall memories held in the very cells of our bodies. Crystalline in its nature it records each and every thing that has ever transpired. It is up to us whether we wish to recall it to the surface or not.
I am still processing the integration of these memories and writing them up as I embody them through my own healing journey. I hope to publish these soon.
Are you a twin? Please feel free to post your comments.