Have you ever felt a soulful yearning deep in your heart that somehow fails to be met? Or, on the contrary, you do your utmost not to feel it?
We carry an innate desire for connection that is often sought through relationships, physical pursuits or consumption of food and substances.
Did you at some point feel that life failed to provide you with the unconditional love you thought you were due?
And as a result, did you feel that you were born alone into this world, painstakingly having to find your way onto your own two feet?
This was the case of at least one person I know.
A perpetual sense of disconnection and unhappiness in the early years of my life propelled me to seek answers beyond what was immediately apparent.
And, because I don’t believe I am any different to many other human beings in this, I began to observe others in their unhappiness and how it bred from a deep seeded need for connection.
I observed babies and young children and their healthy dependence on their mother, a relationship where the mother is ‘God’ as an infinite source of love, food, comfort and protection.
I also witnessed unhappiness arising from our perceived relationship with our mothers and fathers.
As I searched deeper into our pre-birth memories, a different picture began to emerge.
That unhappiness or even fear was already there at birth.
Our pre-birth journey is crucial in that it can determine patterns for the rest of our life cycle.
How happy, content, loving and connected was our mother during her pregnancy?
What consciously or not was her relationship like to her husband, our father?
What ancestral baggage did I inherit and what karmic suitcase did I choose to bring with me?
All these are very valid questions when diving deeper to release our psychosomatic residue.
Frederick Leboyer writes in Birth Without Violence:
“To be born is to suffer,
Birth is pain.
For the baby, the world is a terrifying place.
He feels everything, totally, completely, utterly, and with a sensitivity, we
can’t even begin to fathom.”
The crucial moment for me on this inner excavation journey came during one of my own pre-birth sessions.
Remembering the jolt of incarnating into my body was so physically heavy and real, that I began to reassess the perception I had of my life so far.
I realised that my anger, for example, pre-existed my parents. I was angry at God!
I was angry at myself for incarnating. What the hell was I thinking in coming into this body anyway?
“I changed my mind! I wanna go back home” were the kind of thoughts I was having.
“Why did He let me fall?” As I began to process this information I recognised that this too was a projection.
Within me lay the illusion that I had been separated from being One with all that is.
I sensed how before my physical incarnation I had been pure, unconditional, undivided love.
Human, dualistic consciousness was divided, limited, selfish, hurtful, fearful compared to what my being remembered.
Slowly I began to take responsibility for my actions and to deeply, wholeheartedly accept that I chose to be here.
I began to see how and why I chose the body I am in, my soul plan and how it helps me evolve as well as all the players in it.
I felt like I had been turned inside out.
Slowly, from that point onward, I ceased to be angry at my parents, my family, my friends and many repetitive cycles in my life ceased to exist.
I felt I had been born again, this time into an adult claiming responsibility for my own happiness. The blame game was no longer valid.
I no longer felt like a child searching needingly on the outside for love.
My brain still remains wired in separation. I still function on separation mode.
But I work daily on unifying myself. On living a reality where I wholeheartedly believe and function as if I never stopped being pure, unconditional, undivided love.
And I dream of the day when newborns will arrive with no illusion of separation whatsoever.
A conscious conception, a fear-free birth and a welcoming high vibrational environment during one’s birth journey will assist little ones arriving to maintain their soul plan intact and no sense of separation what so ever.
In the meantime, we as adults are doing the work of lightening the personal and collective field here on earth, by revisiting our own birth journey in water so that we are able to quench our deepest yearning for connection.
Aquatic Embodiment sessions help us heal the illusion of separation from Source which often arises during our birth journeys.