THE AWAIT OF THE UNKNOWN
As you feel where the ‘await of the unknown’ sits within you, so will you feel the quality of that awaiting.
With the dynamic energy of this October SUPER MOON pushing and pulling on my waters, I become aware of an inner sense of begging to know what comes next.
Then again, the quality of ‘sweetness’ has often eluded me when it comes to waiting. Even more so when the unknown enters the equation, to tip any sense of equilibrium tumbling over. I can feel that part of me squirm and wriggle at the distain of it.
My mind goes into overdrive, my chest feels heavy and an almost animal survival instinct kicks into action, in an attempt to foresee every likely or unlikely possibility.
The unknown factor has me chasing at my tail rather than sitting still and facing my unease. At worst I get angry and frustrated, at best, I realize, I lose my faith and focus until the next step to take becomes apparent.
The more I sit with this I realize that prolonging a sense of satisfaction, has been an acquired skill on my part. The more childlike ‘I want it all and I want it now’ has often described my reactive behavior to waiting.
I have also felt excitement, anticipation and longing, when it comes to seeing a distant loved one or at the prospect of travel for instance. But in those cases I suppose, I knew what was coming.
I do enjoy visualizing future prospects, holding space for them within myself and finally watching them materialize.
But, there are transitional times like now, that the present has a finite date and the future is still very unclear. Some moments like now, feel like they carry an added importance in a life cycle, for they are likely to change the direction of many lives.
So as I sit on this full moon and reflect on my inner waters, I have Miguel Angel Beltran’s ‘Filosomatica’ sitting on my altar. La dolce attesa dell’ ignoto arose out of those moments in a WATSU session when you allow not knowing what comes next.
Rather than forcing a certain movement upon a body, or mentally following a set sequence, the practice becomes to allow for such presence of being, that the next movement arises out of the unknown for both giver and receiver alike.
Likewise I want not to project a set path out of fear, I want not to retrace the footsteps of the past. Rather, I want to taste the sweetness of life I have yet to receive, I want to share with another what is so dear to my heart and I want it to be as true and real as the hug of a three year old child.
As I sit and I sit some more, I see myself receiving these gifts for sure. The doubt of my own self worth recedes as I reconnect to my trust in the universal intelligence. From this, an excitement momentarily springs forth, that has me running ahead again in my mind’s eye.
As I let this too sit still, I begin to taste the sweetness. That of the lover knowing he shall be received. Not by anyone, but by the One he has chosen so long ago. To savour the thought of that moment alone, settles all anguish. Any residual haste becomes a slow savouring of life’s sweetnesses.
Alas I arrive at the sweet await of the unknown.
I am blessed.